Tedious Schedule

Tedious is an adjective that is used to describe things that are too long, dull, and even tiresome. Synonyms for tedious are words such as: boring, repetitive, unrelieved, and monotonous. This word perfectly describes the broad nature of being a stay-at-home wife and mother when we get caught in that beautiful trap of a schedule.

This post will probably be me whining for the most of it but bear with me, it’s just that type of day I’m having.

To a Type A person, a schedule is haven. To a mother and wife in general, having some sort of schedule helps tame the building chaos. I can’t say this for all mothers and wives obviously, or parents and spouses in general either but my schedule is three schedules in one I am only now noticing. It’s my husband’s two schedules-his work out AND his work schedules- my little one’s schedule (who needs to start potty training lord help me give me strength!), and my pets’ schedule.

You thought I was gonna say my schedule didn’t you? Yeah I thought so too. But as I was writing, I realized that all of their schedules is my schedule. That three in one? The one is mine. Which means it’s all mine.

I’m like the queen of redundancy at this point.

Now, I don’t mind having such a full schedule. It keeps me busy. It keeps me occupied. It keeps my thoughts from going down that lane that it’s not supposed to but does anyways in my down time. It’s been good for a chaotic person like me.

But now here comes the trap.

I woke up the other day to the sound of my dog barking and wanting to go outside. Normal. She’s basically my alarm because she always wants to go out between 6 and 6.30. But instead of getting up, I just laid there. I did not care if she peed or pooped in the house. I just did not want to get up.

She barked for a good five minutes while I pretended to be asleep and my husband got up and did it for me.

When he came back, I continued to lay there thinking about what I’ll have to do once I get out of bed. And I will have to do it. The animals need to be fed and given water. My child needs to be fed breakfast. I’ll need to do dishes because there always seems to be dishes in the morning. I’ll have to wipe down my kitchen counters if I want them to be clean and disinfected before I start cooking (and I do want them clean and disinfected).

That is a daily routine right there that takes maybe less than twenty minutes to do. But I am doing it every day. Without fail. It is tedious.

After that first day, it became harder and harder to get out of bed and start my day. I could be wide awake and feel my energy charging up without any coffee but there is a weight that becomes heavier and heavier each day that I go to start the routine.

Is it depression? I really don’t know. Is it because it’s tedious to do the same thing every single day? Maybe. There are obviously breaks in the schedule. The pool is open now since it’s summer and I was tempted to go every day but even going outside feels like a chore since my little one is now refusing to walk anywhere and I can’t find her stroller (I’m pretty sure I left it at my friend’s house but I haven’t seen it). I also generally don’t want to be outside. I don’t want to feel the sun on my skin. I don’t want to walk anywhere. I just want to sit and do nothing.

Okay, maybe it is depression. I still haven’t gone to the doctor to figure that out but I have an iffiness with the doctors here in Hawaii (for every 1 good and helpful doctor, there’s 5 who don’t give a crap).

I have decided today to try and switch up my every day schedule. Nothing major. It’s only rearranging the order in which I clean as well as giving myself more breaks to actually do the things I want to instead of putting it off. Like writing this blog post for example. Usually at this time, I’m prepping my husband’s meals. But I’ve got that down to a science at this point.

May my rearrangement of things break the tediousness of my life. If it works, I’ll let you guys know. If it doesn’t, I’ll probably forget to tell you guys about it.

Huh, break the tediousness. Breaking Tedious. Like Breaking Bad but parent/spouse edition (this is a lot funnier in my head).

Thanks for reading! Peace!

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Challenging Marriage Vows

First off, this is not a How-To type of post. If some of you are disappointed then you need to rethink a few things in my opinion. Like, why you think you have to challenge someone’s marriage vows.

No, this post is about how for some odd reason, whenever I or my other friends tell someone who tried to hit us up that we are married, that person decides to push harder. They try to convince us to cheat- though the attempts are extremely half-hearted.

I find this annoying to the next level simply because I did not just tell you that I am married because I want you to try harder to get into my pants or try harder to get my number or whatever you are trying to get. I told you I am married because that is what I am and it’s one of the main reasons why I am rejecting your advances; the other main reason is that I am not interested.

Now, why don’t I just say I’m not interested? Well, because that doesn’t work half the time to steer people away. If you think it does, you are either extremely lucky to have been met with dudes who understand that you are uninterested and aren’t butt hurt by the concept OR you are a dude who hasn’t had to drive away persistent, thick-headed, thirsty people.

More often than not, telling someone I am married doesn’t work to turn them away. They will say things like, “Oh I bet I am better than your husband”. Or, “I bet I’m bigger” (as if I need anything bigger). Or, “it’s just one night. It doesn’t mean anything.”

*Cher from Cluless voice* And we’re expected to swoon? Ugh, as if!

I am not looking for someone to challenge my marriage vows. I made those sincerely. Yes, I also made them a little young but I was still sincere. I also take them seriously.

Look, once marriage is mentioned, that should be the cue to walk the other direction. Just my opinion.

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Peace in a Power Outage??

We have reached a year of living on O’ahu! And what better way to commemorate this mile stone than for there to be a power outage!

Most jokes (and blatant exaggeration) aside, we had a power outage last night that affected the entire community I live in. It happened around 9 and we were just beginning to wind down. My husband and I were passing the controller back and forth playing Fortnite (which I play twice as much as he does and he got the control commands down within only two plays whereas I still struggle) and it was actually his turn when the power went off.

The still quiet when everything was off was…interesting. Because here’s the thing you guys, we have the A.C. AND the fan running at night in our room because my husband gets hot easily and he can’t sleep without the sound of the fan going. So for it to be that late and be that quiet was astonishing to me.

I had a ringing in my ears as I searched for our flashlights. Is that the price we pay for the daily sound assault we allow? Or is it normal when it’s hella quiet? These are questions easily answered by Google but I honestly don’t feel like researching that right now.

After locating our flashlights and lighting a candle or two (which I blew out almost immediately because the newest addition to our family, Midnight the cat, decided flames looked interesting), I looked on Facebook to see if anyone else had posted on the community page and sure enough, everybody in our small, isolate community had lost power. My husband, at this time, had gone outside and, in a very him way, confirmed it as well.

Now, my actual reasoning for making this blog post beyond just letting you guys know that we had a power outage is because of the way the quiet in the dark made me feel. I was peacefully tired.

Yes, that sounds weird. But that’s what it was! My husband’s work schedule has been changed up recently and instead of the usual 9 to 5, he now goes in a little later which means coming home later which means he doesn’t usually go to sleep until close to or after midnight. Which means:

Neither do I.

Yes, yes I know I can go to sleep without him and that his sleep schedule doesn’t have to be mine. However, I can’t sleep unless all of my family is asleep or at least in rest mode. Because if they need me, I want to be awake. And yes, I know my husband is a grown ass man and doesn’t actually need me but I know where everything is in the house and it makes things easier (and less messier) if he just asks me where it is.

So basically, no matter how tired I am, I will stay up until he is finally in rest mode.

Now last night, with the power being out and it being so dark and so quiet, I crashed quickly. I remember talking to my husband and he said that he couldn’t sleep. My body felt so heavy, and it was so still around us that I could feel that I could fall asleep easily and I told him so. And then I completely crashed out.

When I had woken up, the sun was streaming through the window, my dog and my cat had at some point jumped onto the bed (which they only do when I am completely knocked out), and my child was curled up next to me and I had no memory of her crawling into bed with us. It was also an hour later than when I usually wake up which was a surprise because I thought for sure my dog would have woken me up to go outside.

I was still tired but also slightly rejuvenated in a way which is weird for me to feel lately because I’m usually just so tired that I need my entire pot of coffee before I can get to that point. Maybe pure quiet and darkness is what I need every now and again. Maybe that’s what people mean by unplug? I don’t know. But it’s interesting enough to try.

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Staying Busy

The past two days I’ve been staying busy enough that I haven’t had much of a chance to sit down and write. I will admit that it was nice going to sleep the past two nights without feeling bad that I didn’t finish as much as I could have. Monday, after visiting with A and her son for a few hours, I came back home with the intention of resting because my little one was taking a nap. However, when I walked into my dining room after putting her in her crib I saw I needed to sweep. Sweeping the dining room turned into sweeping the kitchen, then the living room (since I now have a living room yay!) and then the hallway.

After sweeping I had a moment where I debated if I wanted to just relax or if I wanted to mop everything. Can you guess what I chose?

So I spent most of Monday cleaning. I think I literally sat down after I was done and just did that theatrical sigh of contentment.

Tuesday (yesterday), I woke up with a good amount of energy despite not having coffee. I think it was because my home was clean. I made breakfast for my family like I do every morning, made my husband his lunch (which he forgot) and cleaned up afterwards (something I hate doing until much later). After he left I tried to turn on some cartoons for my little one so that I could get ready for the day but our cable is being wonky. I turned on Netflix instead for her and she was content for a bit.

After I got ready, I checked outside my bedroom window to see if it was sunny, it was. I get her into her stroller and we go outside…completely overcast in the five minutes it took us to get outside. So I decide to go to the shoppette instead of the park so that I can at least say I exercised and I figured it would only drizzle. I was so wrong.

It started pouring on us about two minutes into the walk. I don’t know what was up with me yesterday but I felt particularly stubborn and I was like, well I made it this far, I might as well keep going. We reached the shoppette and it was absolutely dumping at this point. I walk in, grab some stuff I wanted (forgetting the one thing I really wanted) along with an umbrella which worked really well on keeping my little one dry on our way back.

Me and my little one played for about an hour or so before it was time for her nap. When I put her down, I looked outside and it was completely sunny and clear skied. Oh well. Again, I debated about resting for a bit because I did more than I usually do when I haven’t had coffee (life without coffee is actually a thing apparently) but I decided to clean my bathroom instead.

You guys, I hate cleaning my bathroom. I hate the thought of it. I haven’t really cleaned it except for a spot clean here and there. The reason I hate it is because that is the daddy long leg spiders favorite place to hang out. They have their little homes situated in all the corners. I know they’re harmless but they’re small and creepy to me and I try to avoid them at all cost. I also hate killing things if I don’t have to. Like the only spiders in my life I have been able to kill are the ones that decided to make a beeline for my daughter. An entirely different persona takes over when I see that. That person doesn’t give a crap about spiders or bugs in general.

Anywho, before I go on a bug tangent, I actually cleaned the bathroom. Took the bath to wash and dry. Cleaned the tub. Cleaned the sink. Swept and mopped the floor. I was surprised that no spiders came running out at me because I didn’t really see any (which is totally fine with me). I sprayed the toilet and realized I didn’t have toilet brush so I texted D who lives upstairs from me asking if she had one. She did and she was a saint and brought it down to me (the little one was sleeping so I didn’t want to leave her). D came down and while I was cleaning the toilet I talked story with her for a bit and asked her if I was doing it right (I have never cleaned a toilet because my parents never wanted me and my sister to have to…they forgot that we would have to eventually when we moved out).

Afterwards, I was very proud of myself. My little one woke up while D was here and after feeding her, we went to the park for about an hour. She had a good time especially since the sun was finally shining.

Today, I’m hoping it won’t rain so we can go to the park this morning. I’m looking outside right now and it looks overcast a bit so we shall see.

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Future Education

Becoming a mother and a military wife (or a wife in general) at 19 wasn’t something I planned for. When I was in high school I had actually applied to colleges for a variety of things I wanted to study: psychology, history, animation, graphic arts, photography, journalism…I was all over the place. I wanted to learn it all. Unfortunately, my grades weren’t the greatest since I slacked off the first two years of high school and I couldn’t do FAFSA.

So I went to work instead. I was determined that I would save up money and then go to school. I had my own bills every month but my parents were nice enough to allow me to stay at the house rent free so that I could save. There was an opportunity to go to a photography school but their tuition was too much since I had just started working and only had two grand saved up. I turned my mind to a type of schooling that would be quicker: massage therapy.

The Hawaiian Islands are filled with Massage schools. I like to believe it’s because we’re a tourist destination that there is so many but that could just me making connections where there are none.  The nearest massage school was a thirty minute drive and there was only two things in my way: I didn’t have my driver’s license and I was working full time.

Getting my driver’s license should have been simple since I had my permit already, I just needed more drive time before I took the test. Changing my schedule was a little bit harder for me because I was a bleeding heart and we always seemed to be understaffed which led to extremely stressful situations for all workers and I hated to be one of the reasons for added stress. But I also kept it in the back of my head that as soon as we had more workers I would go down to part time and then apply the money that I had saved (which was mounting past five grand at this point since I was already in my second year of working) towards the tuition.

Then I got pregnant. For a while after finding out, I couldn’t even think about the plans for the future. I had to think about what I was going to do at that point. I talked about that choice in earlier blog post. I ultimately chose to keep my little one and was already making plans to raise her by myself, pushing my education plans a little off to the side.

Then I got married when I was six months along and now I’m suddenly a soon-to-be-mother and military wife. I wasn’t thinking about education anymore since my mind was stuck living moment to moment.

It was only after my little one turned 1 that I even began thinking about going to college. I didn’t know about the MYCAA yet, I just figured I’d wait until she started school before I’d go back to work and then do online schooling. For what? I wasn’t sure but I looked at anything and everything that interested me.

The only obstacle I truly face at this time is me being a people pleaser and of course everyone in my family I talk to wants me to do something different. My mom wants me to wait until the little one is in school otherwise (and she doesn’t say this but she implies it strongly with her facial features) I’m being selfish. My dad and my husband want me to go into something that makes a lot of money (of course they say as long as it’s something that I’ll be happy doing…as long as it makes a lot of money because with them, money is the root of happiness and I’ll be happy if I do something that makes money *insert eye roll here*). So of course, all three of them object to me getting my massage therapist license.

I’ve fought them on it, which is exhausting, and so they’ve stopped objecting every time I bring it up. I hope they realize that’s not all I want to go into, it’s just the quickest one I can do while we are stationed where we are.

I still want to learn more history because history is fascinating. I still think about psychology and that would be the longest one to get a degree for as well as the most expensive.

I am still unsure how I’m going to do it. I look up online degrees every now and again whenever I’m unsure that I can do what I want online. Furthering my education is one of those major uncertain areas of my life because no matter how much information there is out there on how to go back to school while being a military spouse, I have trouble grasping it and understanding it all. I don’t want to get put in a financially troubling situation simply because I misinterpret something.

I can’t be alone in that right?

Thanks for reading! Peace!

My Weekend

Even though I say this is a daily blog, I have a hard time thinking of something to write, especially on a weekend. This past weekend was no different but it was also a little bit more busier. We didn’t leave the house except for when I went to the little convenience store to restock on bread and house hold fresheners since I spent the whole weekend cleaning.

Being a house wife many people would assume that the house should be perfectly clean during the week. However, I am also a stay at home mother of a toddler. I spend much of week days taking my toddler to the park or on play dates after breakfast so she can tire herself out so that after lunch, she can take an hour to two hour nap. During that nap time I’ll wash dishes, sweep and mop. If it’s a Wednesday, then laundry gets added onto the list of stuff I do that day. That alone is not enough to keep the house perfectly clean though. Trying to clean while my little one is awake is not a great option because she tries to “help.”

Weekends are when I can vacuum and do a deep clean. Reason being? My husband is usually off on weekends and will more or less watch our little one while I clean. This past weekend was an even deeper clean than usual (which I’m still not finished doing) since I leave to visit with my parents tomorrow with the little one (husband can’t get off work). We’ll be gone an entire week (including father’s day weekend because of plane ticket prices) and the last thing I want to have on my mind is the state of my home.

I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. It’s an uneasy feeling leaving the house without it completely clean. Bugs can accumulate. Being gone a week means a week the house will go without being swept and mopped every day.

Now some may ask, why doesn’t the husband clean while I’m gone? Well, because he won’t. I’m going to leave it at that because then this post will become an entirely different one.

It’s amazing the stuff I discovered this past weekend while cleaning. I found a majority tool heads for the drill my husband has that we couldn’t find for the longest while. I also discovered my husband has far more clothes than I do (go figure) so about three loads of laundry was dedicated to just his stuff. We found random chargers that we thought were lost, as well as a whole bunch of coins that we can exchange for cash.

That was my insignificant weekend but my mind will soon be at ease about leaving.

Thanks for reading! Peace!