Going Back to Big Island

…but not forever.

My mum has to have back surgery in about a month or so and she had asked if I could come back to help gut out my old room and clean it up so it would be one less thing she has to worry about. Obviously, I said yes. But I also asked if my friend and her son could come along and they said yes.

So for two weeks I will not be posting on this blog unless I stay somewhere with wifi and laptop I can use since I will not be bringing mine. I will be taking pictures and writing while I am on Big Island as well.

With this being one of my shortest blog posts, I end it here.

See you guys in two weeks!

Aloha!

(The featured image is of a part of the Queen’s Market Place where I used to work on Big Island at 6 in the morning while I was on my ten minute break)

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Working on Self Care…Still

One of the major things that I am super unsure about and basically still learning is how to do self care. I know how to take care of others (my mum has called me Mother Hubbard for as long as I can remember) but self care has always been a little tricky.

I can say that at least one part of self care is indulging every now and again. Indulging in a favorite snack or indulging in face masks (which has become a personal favorite) or indulging in too much wine on a Friday night (which I get to do tonight whoo!). This is all like a reward for me. A reward for not losing my shit as my child decides for the fifth time that day to upend her hamper and mix her dirty clothes with her clean clothes. A reward for surviving traffic and drivers who have forgotten how to signal before merging.

The other part of self care, the part where you are supposed to be paying attention to your body, is a little more difficult for me to grasp. Mainly because growing up, when something new happened inside my body, whether it be painful or uncomfortable, I was always told it’s normal. So I kind of assumed it was all normal.

Recently, I have been exhausted. As my close friends and family know though, I am always tired. I am always wanting to take a nap. If I am comfortable enough around you, I will doze off for 10-15 minutes and feel rejuvenated afterwards. So being tired isn’t something new for me.

However, this exhaustion was different. I was tired down to my bones. Waking up in the morning was hard. Getting up and moving was hard. But once I was up and out it was easy for me to slip right back into that role that nothing was wrong. Because I think I’ve been through this before and I just automatically knew what to do: distract myself, don’t think about it because if you think about it, it’ll get worse.

So I distracted myself for a good week with going out with my friend to appointments and driving around. When I got home, my friend would be there with her son and the little ones would run around so I was still distracted. Distraction was working. For a bit.

It soon got to the point where it was all starting to grate on my nerves. I felt like exploding. Like everything was too much. Even being alone was too much. I caught myself near hyperventilation twice while just sitting in my room. Light headedness is now my friend. I keep thinking it’s just because I’m not eating enough but it still happens even after I eat and drink water.

What sucks even more is that when I have voiced my concerns about it, it has been brushed off. And I think it’s because everybody else doesn’t want there to be something wrong with me just as I don’t want there to be something wrong with me.

But I was exhausted. I didn’t want to deal with anything anymore. And that’s not what I want to feel. So yesterday, I tried something.

I just constantly said no. To doing anything that I didn’t have to do. I let my laundry sit for the day. My friend wanted to come over and I said no. She wanted me to come over and I said no. I didn’t sleep despite wanting to because my husband came home early and fell asleep before I could and one of us has to watch the little one.

But I made dinner (which felt like a long process in itself). My husband did the dishes for me without me really saying anything more than the fact that I have to do it after I was done with dinner. I poured myself some wine. Put the little one to bed. Took a shower. And then went to bed.

I slept in today. I don’t have to wake up early in the first place but I do it because I feel like I get more done. But today, I stayed in bed for an hour past my usual time.

And cats (that’s you guys), I feel better. I’m not a 100% because I still feel the tiredness behind my eyes and my lightheadedness has hit me while writing this but the edge has been taken off. I’ve only had to use my mommy voice three times on my little one in this past hour (she’s in full on toddler mode, which is a post for another time) and I’m about to get ready to go to the store without feeling like I’m chained to a heavy ball.

Self care, as I had already known but didn’t really KNOW, is more than just wine and face masks. Or Burger King on a cheat day. It’s taking literal time to just be alone. Be by yourself. Not do a damn thing beyond what you have to. Friends who are truly friends will be there the next day. Family who don’t get butt hurt easily, will still talk to you when you’re done healing yourself.

I know that last part sounds hippie but it is legit true. And the fact that I am a hippie at heart has nothing to do with it.

I am not sure how often I am going to feel like this or if the method that I did yesterday will work all the time but I’m just gonna have to try right?

Thanks for reading! Peace!

AND I would really like to know what ways you take time for yourself or things you find healing so that I can try new things out for myself beyond googling it! If you follow my blog, you already know how much I don’t like googling stuff, which is also another post for another time.

Tedious Schedule

Tedious is an adjective that is used to describe things that are too long, dull, and even tiresome. Synonyms for tedious are words such as: boring, repetitive, unrelieved, and monotonous. This word perfectly describes the broad nature of being a stay-at-home wife and mother when we get caught in that beautiful trap of a schedule.

This post will probably be me whining for the most of it but bear with me, it’s just that type of day I’m having.

To a Type A person, a schedule is haven. To a mother and wife in general, having some sort of schedule helps tame the building chaos. I can’t say this for all mothers and wives obviously, or parents and spouses in general either but my schedule is three schedules in one I am only now noticing. It’s my husband’s two schedules-his work out AND his work schedules- my little one’s schedule (who needs to start potty training lord help me give me strength!), and my pets’ schedule.

You thought I was gonna say my schedule didn’t you? Yeah I thought so too. But as I was writing, I realized that all of their schedules is my schedule. That three in one? The one is mine. Which means it’s all mine.

I’m like the queen of redundancy at this point.

Now, I don’t mind having such a full schedule. It keeps me busy. It keeps me occupied. It keeps my thoughts from going down that lane that it’s not supposed to but does anyways in my down time. It’s been good for a chaotic person like me.

But now here comes the trap.

I woke up the other day to the sound of my dog barking and wanting to go outside. Normal. She’s basically my alarm because she always wants to go out between 6 and 6.30. But instead of getting up, I just laid there. I did not care if she peed or pooped in the house. I just did not want to get up.

She barked for a good five minutes while I pretended to be asleep and my husband got up and did it for me.

When he came back, I continued to lay there thinking about what I’ll have to do once I get out of bed. And I will have to do it. The animals need to be fed and given water. My child needs to be fed breakfast. I’ll need to do dishes because there always seems to be dishes in the morning. I’ll have to wipe down my kitchen counters if I want them to be clean and disinfected before I start cooking (and I do want them clean and disinfected).

That is a daily routine right there that takes maybe less than twenty minutes to do. But I am doing it every day. Without fail. It is tedious.

After that first day, it became harder and harder to get out of bed and start my day. I could be wide awake and feel my energy charging up without any coffee but there is a weight that becomes heavier and heavier each day that I go to start the routine.

Is it depression? I really don’t know. Is it because it’s tedious to do the same thing every single day? Maybe. There are obviously breaks in the schedule. The pool is open now since it’s summer and I was tempted to go every day but even going outside feels like a chore since my little one is now refusing to walk anywhere and I can’t find her stroller (I’m pretty sure I left it at my friend’s house but I haven’t seen it). I also generally don’t want to be outside. I don’t want to feel the sun on my skin. I don’t want to walk anywhere. I just want to sit and do nothing.

Okay, maybe it is depression. I still haven’t gone to the doctor to figure that out but I have an iffiness with the doctors here in Hawaii (for every 1 good and helpful doctor, there’s 5 who don’t give a crap).

I have decided today to try and switch up my every day schedule. Nothing major. It’s only rearranging the order in which I clean as well as giving myself more breaks to actually do the things I want to instead of putting it off. Like writing this blog post for example. Usually at this time, I’m prepping my husband’s meals. But I’ve got that down to a science at this point.

May my rearrangement of things break the tediousness of my life. If it works, I’ll let you guys know. If it doesn’t, I’ll probably forget to tell you guys about it.

Huh, break the tediousness. Breaking Tedious. Like Breaking Bad but parent/spouse edition (this is a lot funnier in my head).

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Steam Mopping for the First Time

My husband’s grandmother had given us a bunch of her household items so that we didn’t really have to buy anything when we first moved. We are set on dishes, cooking utensils, eating utensils, furniture (she gave us two desks along with a dining table complete with chairs and many more), and, of course, household cleaning equipment.

I never really had a chance to use the vacuum (which looks like it’s at least twenty years old) or the steam mop (which is probably just as old) she gave us while we lived in Monterey. I liked to claim that I was worry I was going to break the two, which is half the truth. The other part of it was I really really wanted new stuff to use but even with hard core budgeting, there just never seems to be enough left over to buy the shiny new cleaning stuff.

So I grit my teeth and with steady hands, I treated the vacuum as if it was brand new (which technically, its brand new to me) and I accidentally threw away the directions with the box it came in. I looked it over, figured out where the on-and-off switch was, how to make it bend, figured out that it wasn’t running right because the thing that holds all the dust and dirt from the carpets wasn’t snapped in right. Long story short, I got it to work and now I use it every day. This was maybe a week or so ago.

Now for why I’m writing this post. Today, after many days of just staring at it and having my friends telling me how awesome it is for the floors, I finally used it. I filled it up with water, without making a mess surprisingly, and plugged it in. I had no freaking clue how to use it.

I thought that the water would just start heating itself up on it’s own. Turns out I had to press down on the handle and to actually see steam, I had to press down multiple times quickly. Once I figured that out, I started mopping.

Honestly, it was very underwhelming. Then again, I don’t know what I was expecting. Steamed up windows? White steam blinding me as I got my floors cleaner than clean? Actually, I did expect my floor to feel warm at least while I was mopping.

Moving on from that, it did clean my floors really well. There’s been a milk stain that I’ve been having trouble to get out with the swiffer mop that the steam mop got out completely. Spots on my floor that I didn’t even know where stains were cleaned off. My floor looks twice as clean than when I use my swiffer.

What’s super cool is that the microfiber whatever it’s called on the mop can be washed so I don’t have to throw it away (I’m always for less waste).

Ultimately my review for a steam mop is five stars and will definitely be using once a week (every day is overkill and not something I’d do anyways if it wasn’t).

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Staying Busy

The past two days I’ve been staying busy enough that I haven’t had much of a chance to sit down and write. I will admit that it was nice going to sleep the past two nights without feeling bad that I didn’t finish as much as I could have. Monday, after visiting with A and her son for a few hours, I came back home with the intention of resting because my little one was taking a nap. However, when I walked into my dining room after putting her in her crib I saw I needed to sweep. Sweeping the dining room turned into sweeping the kitchen, then the living room (since I now have a living room yay!) and then the hallway.

After sweeping I had a moment where I debated if I wanted to just relax or if I wanted to mop everything. Can you guess what I chose?

So I spent most of Monday cleaning. I think I literally sat down after I was done and just did that theatrical sigh of contentment.

Tuesday (yesterday), I woke up with a good amount of energy despite not having coffee. I think it was because my home was clean. I made breakfast for my family like I do every morning, made my husband his lunch (which he forgot) and cleaned up afterwards (something I hate doing until much later). After he left I tried to turn on some cartoons for my little one so that I could get ready for the day but our cable is being wonky. I turned on Netflix instead for her and she was content for a bit.

After I got ready, I checked outside my bedroom window to see if it was sunny, it was. I get her into her stroller and we go outside…completely overcast in the five minutes it took us to get outside. So I decide to go to the shoppette instead of the park so that I can at least say I exercised and I figured it would only drizzle. I was so wrong.

It started pouring on us about two minutes into the walk. I don’t know what was up with me yesterday but I felt particularly stubborn and I was like, well I made it this far, I might as well keep going. We reached the shoppette and it was absolutely dumping at this point. I walk in, grab some stuff I wanted (forgetting the one thing I really wanted) along with an umbrella which worked really well on keeping my little one dry on our way back.

Me and my little one played for about an hour or so before it was time for her nap. When I put her down, I looked outside and it was completely sunny and clear skied. Oh well. Again, I debated about resting for a bit because I did more than I usually do when I haven’t had coffee (life without coffee is actually a thing apparently) but I decided to clean my bathroom instead.

You guys, I hate cleaning my bathroom. I hate the thought of it. I haven’t really cleaned it except for a spot clean here and there. The reason I hate it is because that is the daddy long leg spiders favorite place to hang out. They have their little homes situated in all the corners. I know they’re harmless but they’re small and creepy to me and I try to avoid them at all cost. I also hate killing things if I don’t have to. Like the only spiders in my life I have been able to kill are the ones that decided to make a beeline for my daughter. An entirely different persona takes over when I see that. That person doesn’t give a crap about spiders or bugs in general.

Anywho, before I go on a bug tangent, I actually cleaned the bathroom. Took the bath to wash and dry. Cleaned the tub. Cleaned the sink. Swept and mopped the floor. I was surprised that no spiders came running out at me because I didn’t really see any (which is totally fine with me). I sprayed the toilet and realized I didn’t have toilet brush so I texted D who lives upstairs from me asking if she had one. She did and she was a saint and brought it down to me (the little one was sleeping so I didn’t want to leave her). D came down and while I was cleaning the toilet I talked story with her for a bit and asked her if I was doing it right (I have never cleaned a toilet because my parents never wanted me and my sister to have to…they forgot that we would have to eventually when we moved out).

Afterwards, I was very proud of myself. My little one woke up while D was here and after feeding her, we went to the park for about an hour. She had a good time especially since the sun was finally shining.

Today, I’m hoping it won’t rain so we can go to the park this morning. I’m looking outside right now and it looks overcast a bit so we shall see.

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Friday Night Shenanigans!

This past week has been one of the most fun I’ve had since moving to Oahu because of the two friends I have made. I have written about our shopping adventures and since we’ve bonded for two days straight, I felt more comfortable asking them over my apartment.

Yesterday one of them came over (I’ll call her A) in the morning with her son so that the little ones could have a play date and we could relax and talk story. It was great, time flew by so fast. We watched episodes of One Tree Hill (a show I am seriously considering binge-watching despite knowing that my heart is going to break into a million pieces). My other friend (D), I had already texted previously about her coming over that evening since my husband was going to be at a game night somewhere else and I didn’t want to be alone for another Friday night.

What ended up happening was that A and her son ended up staying long into the afternoon so it only made sense to invite them to stay into the evening as well since D was already going to be coming over. We went to the little shoppette near us, got some drinks (small bottles of red wine and beer) and some snacks to eat with the pizza I was going to order as well. A’s husband decided he wanted to have their son for the evening and picked him up so it became a full-on girl’s night.

After my husband left for his game night, the pizza was already on it’s way and we were talking about what movie to watch. A and D both like scary movies, I don’t but I was definitely willing to watch one after having a few drinks in me since I would be more relaxed. Once pizza came, we ended up drinking some wine and I had put Moana on for my little one while we ate. We also talked. A lot. It’s been awhile since I was able to really talk to people in a long time, especially while tipsy because it made everything funnier.

The conversation went through family, family dramas, husbands, being a military spouse, sex, and being pregnant since D is currently trying with her husband to get pregnant. Then it shifted to my house. Mainly, the unfinished living room part of my apartment. The movers came in May and nothing had been put together yet since we had trouble finding the bolts which I finally found a few days ago (I also found tools and put together my little one’s crib a few days ago). We were all a few drinks in so we were relatively tipsy when A and D decided they wanted to help put my living room together.

I didn’t think we would actually do it. But once I had given my little one a bath and she went down for the night, I come back out to find them in the living room moving things around and clearing space so we could walk around when putting stuff together. I tried scolding them since they were my guests but when I’m tipsy, I’m not much of an arguer and generally go with the flow. They were very adamant about doing this with me as well.

We put together the futon couch first. We found tools and the screws only to find out that some of the screws were screwed (hehe) up from the movers putting the bolt part on backwards. Through ingenuity (and a few more sips of beer), D figured out a way to get the bolts off without breaking the screw itself and we were able to put the futon couch together! We celebrated with a cheers and a sip.

After the futon was put together and situated, organizing everything else came easier and quicker. We cleared out the rest of the boxes, throwing stuff I knew we didn’t need away and putting boxes full of what looked like tools and sewing supplies into the laundry room, and putting the emptied boxes off to the side to take outside later. They made room inside my laundry room to put the extra washer and dryer in there along with the giant ice chest we had (which we will one day actually use hopefully). We moved the book case (that thankfully had wheels) across the living room as well.

We had a good time taking the boxes out into the garage because it was midnight and we were trying to be quiet but we kept laughing at trying to be quiet. I was surprised no one called the MP’s on us. However, considering this is Hawaii, I’m sure they’ve seen way worse than three delirious women moving empty boxes outside.

They helped me sweep, organized and clean a good portion of my apartment. I thought I was dreaming seeing everything finished. I realize that I didn’t think it would ever be done. Doing it by myself wouldn’t have been impossible but it would have definitely taken me all day and into the evening. I’m glad I had them. I’m glad they were pushy. I’m glad they like to clean in the middle of the night (I’m more of a morning person). Otherwise, my house wouldn’t look the way it does this fine Saturday and it looks good.

My husband came home while I was mildly scolding them for cleaning my kitchen. They’re guests and my friends and they had already done so much! It was about two in the morning as well so I was super delirious. My husband couldn’t quite believe his eyes when he saw how everything looked. I knew exactly how he felt.

Since it was so late, he took the futon while me and the girls took the bed in the room. We all fit perfectly! It was an amazing Friday night (and highly unexpected)! We didn’t go to sleep until 3 in the morning and ended waking up at 7.30 because my little one got up and started playing youtube videos on the my phone that I left on the floor.

Last friday night was probably the best experience I’ve had since moving to Oahu.

Thanks for reading! Peace!

Shopping Adventures part 2 (cont. from yesterday)

I said I would continue my story from yesterday and I am sticking to my word. After the mini adventure at Denny’s, the next leg of our adventure began pretty much as soon as we got into the truck. We were going to go to the Dollar store that my friends found online and because I watch Liza Koshy every week, I couldn’t stop saying: A dollah? A dollah!

Anywho, we had no idea where the dollar store was as none of us have been there before. So we turned to good ol’ Google Maps with the oh so helpful navigator narrator. The thing about driving in Oahu is that it sucks. Especially in a big truck. Getting out of parking lot is even worse because the turns are too narrow which caused us to go into the next lane. Just as my friend is going to straighten herself out and go back into our respective lane, a small car comes up, blocks her from her turning and starts beeping their horn at us. We started laughing.

The lady in the car wanted to go up the lane we were in and kept pushing her car forward I guess to try and tell us where she wanted to go (as if we didn’t already know?). Our wonder was why she didn’t just go around us since there was very little space for my friend to turn her truck without hitting a curb or a wall or the car in front of us(the developers did not make their roads truck friendly over there). So we just reversed back as she kept beeping her horn at us. When she finally went past us, we were in the middle of the road. We were lucky there had been nobody behind us.

Then as we turn out, another small car comes speeding up! Literally speeding up, brakes squealed as she stopped, and she started beeping her horn at us. It’s a small road and she expected a big truck to be able to speed on out without hitting the cars parallel parked on the opposite side? Yeah right. We laughed at her too. It was either that or flip her off. We continued to inch out and she, just like the car before her, just wanted to go up and squeezed past us on the same lane before we were even fully out.

Ultimately though, we got out of that small area in the big truck without hitting or scratching another car! Whoo! And that’s also the end of the worse driving experience I’ve had in Oahu so far (I’m pretty sure there will be more).

The Dollar store (a dollah? A dollah!) was only ten minutes away from the Denny’s which was awesome. We listened to music and talked story on the way there. The babies in the backseat were talking to each other (which was super cute but it sounded like yelling in different octaves). Parking was fairly easy compared to Denny’s (yay!). We debated for a moment whether or not we would get towed since we were technically parked in a separate shopping center than the Dollar store.

Paradise Dollar Store is small and cute. They have many cute things in there for between a dollar and three dollars. I bought a hair spritzer because I’m in a need for one which was a dollar. Then I bought the child condensed version of Tom Sawyer for three dollars (because it’s never too late or too early to start reading to your child).

After the Dollar store (a dollah? A dollah!) we headed to Kapolei to go to the outdoor mall. That was actually fun as I bought more than I thought I would (again). I got me some makeup from Sephora for the first time (it was expensive) along with a free gift since my birthday is coming up. Then we went to Hot Topic (I am one of those people yes). As much as I wanted to, I didn’t buy anything more than one of those sticky holders for the back of my phone (it’s a flower petal skull which I didn’t notice until after I bought it). Finally we went into Spencer’s and since my friend’s birthday is coming up as well, I got her a mug (because we are both coffee fiends). I got myself a Pokemon one because 1) it’s super pretty and shiny and 2) it’s nice to have another mug to use when your other one is in the wash.

Our final destination was Target. That was a good ten-fifteen minute drive from the outdoor mall and we were browsing in there for about an hour. I told myself I wouldn’t buy anything but I ended up buying my little one letter blocks since they were on sale. I definitely got some ideas while I was in there for what I want in my house for organization (and possibly aesthetic) purposes that I ran by my husband afterwards.

We had another great day shopping together, talking stories and just generally cruising. I have really enjoyed hanging out with those two ladies (and the babies) for those two days in a row.

Thanks for reading! Peace!