Today, my new friends and I are going to the mall. With the little ones. This should be an adventure. I’m actually pretty excited for this because I haven’t been to the mall that they’re talking about (I’ve heard only legends…and the few news reports when someone fell off a railing), it’s a girl’s day (when you grow up with only male friends, having friends who are girls that actually want to spend time with you and that aren’t mean is amazing), and I get to go shopping.
One of them was talking about leaving her little one with a sitter because he doesn’t do well in malls or shopping centers (we think it might be because of too many people and when they’re in a stroller they can’t see us) but ultimately decided to bring him since we’ll have my little one and hopefully they can distract each other. I had even thought of the same since it would make shopping easier (my little one is currently in her grab-everything-she-sees phase). But if there is one particular thing that I am not comfortable doing (among the many things I’m not comfortable with) it’s leaving my little one with a sitter. And I actually know why that is too.
After I announced I was pregnant on my Facebook, all of a sudden it was like my Facebook feed was filled with news reports and articles of babies passing away while in the care of someone other than their parent (posts babies passing away because of their parents were on there just as much) and thus this fear of leaving my little one with anyone besides family was embedded into me.
So because of that, I took my little one everywhere I go and if she can’t go, then I don’t go. The few exceptions were when my cousin took me out drinking and I left her with my grandparents (after she fell asleep), when I went to my best friend/brother/godfather (one day his title will be as long as Dany’s) of my daughter’s 21st birthday and I left her with my sister for the night, and when I went to the movies that one time with my sister and my little one was with our parents. There were a few others were I had to run errands but she was always with family.
Now, I live on a different island than my family so my safety net of people who I trust and who are willing to watch my little one is gone. I’ve made friends with other mums who have watched each other’s kids and I would like to ask one of them if they could watch her for an hour to get her used to other people watching her. My husband has even found a couple willing to watch her if he and I ever want to go on a date night (imagine my shock that my homebody hubby actually wants to go out). But that little tingle in the pit of my stomach, that worry, that guilt, keeps me from wanting to.
As my mum says, I’ll have to cut the apron strings at some point. I just want to make the right choice you know?
Thanks for reading! Peace!