Friendships after High School

Will this be kind of sad? Depends on how you look at it. Everyone is told by adults that some of the friendships we develop in High School will not last once school ends. That we will all splinter off and go separate ways and lose touch. Well, they were half right.

It’s very true that not all friendships last after high school; some don’t even last through high school. But they don’t end the way the adults said they would, not always. At least not for me.

I was an aggressively optimistic person in high school. If you read my post about my depression you’re probably wondering how or if I was lying. Being aggressively optimistic and kind of annoying about it was one way I got through my depression cycle because I didn’t want people to see that I was depressed. So when I heard that the friends I did have I wouldn’t have later? Absolute malarkey. Friendships don’t end unless you stop trying!

Now, some of you share (or shared) this ideal. What I forgot is that when only one person is trying, it’s a one sided friendship that’ll leave you frustrated and hurt. Kind of like a one sided love. Here’s my different friendships and how they ended.

First one up is the person I considered a best friend probably a little too quick. We were drastically different but in a fun way. She had her problems and so did I. It was and good friendship overall until I graduated (I was and year and head of most of my friends). We still texted and hung out when we could and it made me believe we could beat that stereotype of friendships not lasting. Then I got job.

It wasn’t because of my job that things started to break down between us, the actual reasons come much later. But my life had taken a different turn and I wasn’t as focus on high school or the drama it brought anymore which were things that still effected her. After she (and many of our other friends) graduated a year later, we were in the same boat again. Being able to talk about the same things made our friendship easier. Then she moved to a different state.

Have you ever been friends with someone that you didn’t notice had problems the you knew you couldn’t help with but you still tried anyways when you were finally clued in? I didn’t realize what she was going through until after she moved and many things happened with her that she would take out on me. My work schedule became a problem for her because I wouldn’t text back for days due to being exhausted. As time went on (about three years) she became self destructive and pretty abusive to a close friend of both of us. She had begun to lie to me about certain people and I’d later found out that she would lie to them about me. It was all small things and I realized she had been desperate for me to see her in a good light. But she had stopped listening.

Our friendship became one sided quickly after she left. I was there for her when I could be but she couldn’t listen to me. I held on until the truth spilled out about what she had been doing to a close friend. She was unapologetic about it and tried to spin it and blame him. But I saw the texts. She didn’t deserve either of us after that.

Some friends don’t deserve you. It’s hard to figure out which ones until you’ve watched them hang from all rope you had given them as a lifeline.

The next friend was another one I considered a best friend. He doesn’t get a long post like the one before because he had been more abrupt about our friendship ending. Let me tell you a little bit about our friendship.

We met at a youth church thing. He and I were extremely flirtatious, a trait that I rarely find in other people. We were kindred spirits. We loved making people smile and blush with just our words. It was a rush. We never dated but I’m pretty sure the entire church thought we were going to. His parents never let him date though. Maybe if they had, he wouldn’t have stopped talking to me once the girl of his dreams finally showed him interest after high school ended.

Right when they started dating, all communication stopped. At first I didn’t think much of it because he was horrible about texting back in general (another trait we shared). But after a few weeks of no text backs, I was confused and distracted by work so I again didn’t think too much about it. Then a common friend of ours who also happened to be a girl and a girl he had been pursuing pretty hard, reached out to me asking if she did something wrong because he had stopped talking to her as well.

I called him out on it. No reply. I consoled the common friend that he was an idiot. I didn’t come to terms that our friendship was ended until about two years later when I went through Facebook and deleted him. I did find out that the reason for the radio silence was because all his attention was directed towards the girl of his dreams. I guess he thought that when you start dating someone you stop talking to anyone who didn’t go to college with you or who wasn’t in your classes. He’s done it to our entire friend group.

Now I generalized with these two. There was so many other reasons, so many signs that the friendship is ending or needs to end but you don’t see them until you’re feeling nostalgic. Do I miss them? No. Not the people they are now. I miss the ones I hung out with in high school. I’m actually not even hurt anymore. If I was, this would have been full of swear words and name calling.

I hold on to the good times I had with them and the lessons they taught me. I hope they’re both doing alright as well. I remain a little hopeful that in the future, near or far, that we can start over as adult friends but I’m not holding my breath on it.

So, unfortunately, the adults are right. You will lose friends after High School. I can only hope that they had been good friends for you during high school. These two had been for me.

Thank you for reading. Peace.

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